SLOW JAM

I picked up the phone. Dialed 1800-191-6734-0987-124-123-3123. 

'Maanus tum sanchaar karun icchhita, azun out aahe. Nantar call kara'

'Aap jis aurat se sampark karna chahte hain vo filhaal talli hain. Aap kal sampark saadhne ki koshish karien..dhanyawaad'

The call was made. It wasn't the right time though. Paakhi had achieved it. She was in the slow jam state . Her head smiling, lips buzzing and heart slowing down with the music. 

Bass hits you hard in the head. Involuntarily, the heartbeats slow down. In perfect sync with the trance. 

I could feel my phone buzzing. I picked it up. It was Paakhi.

Paakhi : Faa..ast tell me what goes well with monk?

Me : Umm..thums up..

Paakhi : noo..noo..no I mean the chakhna..aa..

Me : eh? what!?

Pakhi: Can I eat Saturn rings? 

Me : Whaat?!

Pakhi: Do you know the moon is made of Mayonnaise...I can dip those saturn rings in the moon mayo.

Me : Umm..I guess so..

Pakhi : The moon would be pissed off..is it?

Me : No no, it already has so many craters. Don't ask for too much of Mayo though. Okay?

Pakhi : Okaaay..bye.

She cut the call. I picked up the phone. Punched in a few random numbers.

A lady picked up the phone. 

'Press 1 to enter the receiver''Press 2 for zilch''Press 3 for massage'

My fingers were all over the keypad. The last finger hardly made a move. Lazy fingertip. I pressed 2. The spiral sucked me in. I was falling deeper and deeper into nothingness. My phone buzzed again. It was Pakhi.

Pakhi: I need help!

Me : Where? What? *buzzing*

Pakhi: There is a Kangaroo stuck in the tubelight.

Me : what!? 

Pakhi: Should I call those fire guys?

Me : No wait. It will die. Tube light has neon.

Pakhi: Oh..is it? Oh okay. Where are you?

Me : I am in a rabbit hole.

Pakhi: Damn the rabbit..remember the slow jam.

It sucked me in. I was in there for about one light year. I was back to the Dark Age. It was the slow jam state I think. Paakhi was somewhere in there. I called her up.

Me: I am in the slow jam state. Standing near the Pumpkin Paradise.

Paakhi: I am indoor swimming at the space station. Wait for me. I'll be there in a light year.

Me: You have enough ethanol?

Paakhi: Yes.

I slept off. I got up. I was lying on the floor. She was sleeping besides me. I woke her up. She puked. The hangover began.

I punched in a few random numbers - 14985701235

A lady picked up.

'Hello. Dial 5 to end the note'

'5'.

LOCAL TRAIN DIARIES

I caught the wrong train. It travelled at the speed of light. A man got in selling Hash brownies. Hash brownies le lo, weed le lo'. A thirty-five-year-old man sitting right next to me bought two pieces of it. He got high. The train got higher. The train did not stop at Kurla. People started vanishing slowly. Right from the strands of the hair to the tip of their toenails. The handles started singing a ballad and were prancing along. The seats started reclining, tilting. Kids began sliding over the seats. All the fans combined together to form nuclear turbines.

The train halted at Mahalaxmi and two penguins got in. They were sliding on the reclining seats. Downhill. They got rid of their black blazers and turned on the spiral. Commuters stared at the spiral and went deeper and deeper into it. The train was hypnotized. It whizzed past by and arrived at its last stop. No one got off. Rather the train got off. And people were standing still. Stuck in the air. Train waiting at the platform. Human beings holding handles stuck in time and space on the tracks. It started raining. The droplets hanging in air. The mud wasn't moist. Droplets not yet kissing the ground. Dangling in mid air.

I touched a globule and my fingers were moist. I plucked another droplet. I could hear the penguins wail in unison. They wore back their blazers and turned on the ignition. The spiral of nothingness was racing along now. The clouds stared at the spiral and were hypnotized.

The clouds sucked in all the people instead of the droplets. The globules were still hanging in space. The train was high. It slowly transformed into a gigantic chainsaw. To stop train, pull chain. The man selling hash brownies pulled the chainsaw. It went about slicing the clouds. It was raining human beings then. Falling in a leisurely motion. They landed on the ground and started meditating.